I wasn't afraid of death. How could I be? I lived under death's shadow every day. When you swallow eighty Vicodin, twenty sleeping pills, drink a bottle of vodka, and still survive, a certain sense of invulnerability stays with you. When you continually use drugs with the kind of reckless determination that I did, the limit to how much heroin or crack you can ingest is not defined in dollar amounts, but in the amounts your body can withstand without experiencing a seizure or respiratory failure. Yet at the end of every binge, every night of lining up six, seven, eight crack pipes and hitting them one after the other bam! bam! bam! every night of smoking and snorting bag after bag of heroin . . . after all of that, when you still wake up to see the same dirty sky over you as the night before, you start to think that instead of dying, maybe your punishment is to live---to be stuck in this purgatory of self-abuse and misery for an eternity. Sometimes you start to think that death would come as a blessed relief. Toward the end, I found myself contemplating death again. Only this time I wasn't going to leave it to chance. I was going to buy a gun, load the thing, place the barrel in my mouth, and blow my fucking brains out. I sat on my parents' sofa as I pondered this. All I needed was a gun. And then all-- of my problems-- would be solved.
Customer Reviews:
Avg. Customer Rating: 4.0 / 5.0
In the end it disappoints, Big Time It would be natural to expect that someone who has been in and out of rehab and fought the demons of addiction to reach a level of maturity where their message would be of note.
That never happens.
The only reason I kept reading the book was to wait for this big "I get it moment" from our "hero".
That never happens.
Much of the book is spent with the author ranting against all the "wrongs" that have been done to him and his family in this world. What a joke.
Then we are... more info
A cautionary tale From an untouchable Nebraska god to another piece of meat in the NFL to addict, its an interesting read. Very open and honest about a career filled with promise gone wrong. The writing has a James Frey rambling style to it, but if your a college or NFL football fan its worth a read.
Disturbing I have to agree with Nancy Rommelmann"s editorial review. Her words "unsettling", "disturbing", " a hollow whistling in my chest" after reading this book described my reaction exactly. I stayed up till midnight finishing this book because I had to know if it had a redeeming ending. I was sorry that it was only in the last few pages that his life took a turn for the better. I read this book after hearing Jason Peters interviewed on the radio. With an extended family member struggling with a drug problem and... more info
Purely entertainment Make no mistake, the book is entertaining. I find it interesting he spends the whole book bragging about his escapades, and spends a couple chapters on actual sobriety. This is NOT a book on recovery. Infact, Peter is not really in recovery according to book. The guys got an ego and the book is written with typical "celebrity" narcissism..enjoy!
Related
Sections
